I took a shower today… hmm did that grab your attention 🙂 here we go letting my vulnerabilities out again. You see the simple task of a morning shower, getting ready for your day is a task for a lot of people, not just grieving parents. Many people whether facing addiction, depression, bad relationships the list goes on. What you see on social media is sometimes what’s not really happening. Social media creates a facade for people to only share what they want people to see, let’s break down the barriers and show people what life is really about.
The last few years for me my depression and self worth well lets just say went down the tube. If any of you know me you know I am a girly girl I have always loved doing my hair and make-up, my girls even endured it as they always had the cutest hairstyles and outfits.
I have always taken care of myself.
My first couple years after Brianna died I could care less what I looked like, I gained weight and didn’t do much to myself. Then finally I started taking care of myself again probably around 2013.
The last few years snuck up on me and I saw the change in myself, I wasn’t putting the effort in myself anymore, I felt alone and unwanted. About 4 years ago alcohol became my friend, it helped with all the unlove I felt, the disappointments and my self worth. A year ago I decided the alcohol was NOT my friend and started on the journey of semi-sobriety.
So now back to the whole shower thing, I know you are just dying to know what that’s about? Or maybe not… but it’s a big deal to me it’s part of my journey and the work I am doing to provide a better life for myself. There would be times when I would take a shower every few days I would only do my hair every three days, yes the make-up was always on but never the way I used to do it. It was just too exhausting to take a shower and get ready and frankly I didn’t care what I looked like.
As I have started to take care of myself and work for my recovery of grief I promised myself this year would be my year. 🙂
I am doing things that make me happy, I stopped worrying about the things and people I couldn’t change, I keep a positive outlook and don’t let those Debbie Downers or Satin get to me… !!!!!
I took a shower the last six days straight, I did my hair and make-up, I have worn a dress and high-heels 🙂 everyday. My spirits are lifted and TODAY I feel good, I feel pretty. I am the only one who can make myself happy and that is what I intend to do. Will it be this way next week? I don’t know I will continue to live for today and trust the journey I am on.
This is my life living as transparent as I can, sharing parts of me to help others now they are not alone.